Cursenmess Eve

What, Jwosep! how go? - Wey, bluitert and baizt,
We've hed a meast tarrible rig, ye tnow;
I's thin as a lat, greypt, tharsty, and seeck,
For ye, ye're as fat as a pig, ye tnow:
I thowt to mysel, this mworn, as I ruse,
It's a monstrous warl this were in, ye tnow;
For nine out o' ten, beath women and men,
Er peer silly taistrels, we fin, ye tnow!

Last neet, efter dark'nin, 'twas Cursenmess Eve,
I walkt up towerts Naig's Head, ye tnow;
Theer whee sud I see, but sweyne Sam, an ruff Rob,
Treype Tom, smiddy Dick, an deef Reid, ye tnow:
Ther was limpin Lanty, and bottlenwost Jack,
Mug Matthew, and Kursty Cumcatch, ye tnow;
Aul wry-gobb'd Seymie, an turn-cwoat Jemmy-
Thowt I, we mun suin hev a fratch, ye tnow.

What they'd laik at lanter, the cairds were brong in,
They drew up, drank, laught, an jwokt, ye tnow;
It's best to sit whiet, thinks I to mysel,
Sae I crap nar the chimley, and smuikt, ye tnow:'
Come! down wi' yer lanters! ruff Robin wan last
Whee deals? - Prod, shiffle, and cut, ye tnow
Tnock roun - I've nowt -Here's a deuce an twee trays
Wey that's nobbet a han fer Put, ye tnow!'

Mug Matthew just yen and threehopens lost,
For turn-cwoat was ay a big cheat, ye tnow;
What, he hid king and queen anunder his tnee-
Sec gamlin can niver be reet, ye tnow!
Buck up! - What's trumps? - That's meyne - Nay meyne!
Cries turn-cwoat, "Ye beath tell a lee ye tnow!"

They seed him lug out the king and the queen-
Mug Matthew suin bleakent his ee, ye tnow.

Sec cleekin at brass! what, the teable they splat,
An kickt up a row in a crack, ye tnow;
Sweyne Sam tnockt out peer Treype Tom' teeth,
Ruff Rob felt bottlenwost Jack, ye tnow;
Deef Reid and Lanty, leyke twee bull dogs,
They splattert about, here an theer, ye tnow;
Cumcatch kickt roun in his snout-ban clogs,
'Till Smiddy laid him on the fleer, ye tnow!

Now weyves an dowters com bouncin in;
Bett bottlenwose brong in a cruteh, ye tnow;
She aimt at Ruff Rob, but the lanleady hat;
Peer Meable was leamt varra much, ye tnow:
The lanlword sawt, an he cleekt up t'por,
His silly aul deame to seave, ye tnow;
An swore, if onie yen clincht a fist,
Od rot him! he's lig in his greave, ye tnow!

Aul wry-gobb'd Seymie neist meade a lang speech,
Bad tem drop aw their fratchin and speyte, ye tnow;
"What, neybors!'' says he, ``ye'd far better gree,
Nor for lawyers and doctors thus feight, ye tnow!
It's best to sit whiet, and laugh at ilk riot-
Let's whop better teymes 'll suin come, ye tnow!
The hay-bay now ceast, what, he spak leyke a priest,
An cawt fer a bottle ov rum, ye tnow.

They swattet tem down, tuikt' weyves on the tnee-
Treype Tom gev a Cummerlan sang, ye tnow;
Some crackt an jwokt, some chowt and smuikt,
And some thowt it teyme for to gang, ye tnow:
The clock strack yen er ae hawf wer geane,
What, udders the house waddent leave, ye tnow
They drank, they rwoart, they sleept, they snwoart-
Sae muckle fer Cursenmess Eve, ye tnow!